Time to Lay Low

Sat/Sun 12/17 and 12/18/11

With this being the last full weekend for holiday shopping, I don’t think it’s wise to go anywhere near the malls today or tomorrow, so I just lay low. Saturday morning I change out the kitty litter. I make a trip to Walgreens for a comb and some hair conditioner. I never usually use conditioner, but I think all the chlorine in the swimming pool and whirlpool at the fitness center is wreaking havoc with the little bit of hair that I have left, so I’m hoping the conditioner will put a little bit of moisture back. I have lunch at Firehouse Subs, then get a brownie at Bubba Lou’s Bodacious Bar b Que and have it with a cup of Starbuck’s Coffee because this particular Starbucks does not sell brownies, and the gal masquerading as a barista behind the counter claims they've never had brownies. I did not realize this, but the bakery items are not consistent from store to store, which is kind of maddening. She tries to sell me instead on a Salted Caramel Sweet Square, which is part of SB’s new “Sweet Bites” menu. I try to tell her it’s not the same thing; that when you’re hungry for a brownie, there is no substitute. I get “the look” from her that tells me that a) she’s not a foodie; and b) she wishes that I would curl up and die, preferably someplace else lest she have to get involved in the removal of my corpse. I sit outside awhile,  reading my Kindle. Then, head over to 24 Hour Fitness for my usual workout and swim.

I go to the Target Superstore afterward for some vegetables to make an Asian orange beef this evening. I get a sweet green pepper, some celery, and an onion. I take a back route to return to the condo because I know I-4 is jammed at the Conroy Road exit with holiday shoppers. Back at the condo, I prepare a delicious orange beef with rice, with chocolate cake and decaf coffee for dessert. TV is lousy again tonight, so I go to history dot com on the computer and watch 2 full episodes of “Pawn Stars,” and also one episode of “Real Deal,” which is kind of a new show on the History Channel where collectors have to decide whether to sell their item to a dealer for a known quantity of cash, or sell it at an auction and take their chances. It’s a very entertaining program. I hit the sack around 11 p.m.

Sunday:

OK, I’ve tried on this trip thus far to eat healthy and avoid the most blatant forms of crap. I’ve avoided McDonald’s like the plague, and have tried to be reasonable with the sweets. But truth be told, I have googled “Krispy Kreme donuts,” and there is an outlet less than a mile from me by the Millenia Mall. And today is the day I’m going to splurge.

I head over there, and the “hot light” is on, so I know fresh hot classic glazed raised donuts are coming off the line. I enter the store, and it quickly becomes obvious that the gal behind the counter hates her job, hates me, and hates being here. Her disdain is plain as the nose on Adrien Brody’s face. I guess working at a Krispy Kreme donut factory is not the happy job I imagine it to be. But do you ever run into these kinds of people? I can’t be the only one. So after a couple of attempts to say “Good morning” and “How are you?” I give up. I want to say to this woman, “Pardon me, but would you mind awfully much selling me some donuts so that I can subsidize this horrible existence you have carved out for yourself, or would you prefer that I simply go fuck myself?” But I resist the temptation, and simply tell her I want six donuts in a box, and a small coffee. I ask if they sell the Orlando Sentinel newspaper here, to which I receive a “no,” so I retreat to a corner booth and eat the two warm glazed donuts (delicious), and save the rest for later. I drink about half my coffee, and head out.  This place that should be a beacon of fun and pleasure is depressing the hell out of me. I shall eat my donuts somewhere else.

The whole episode reminds me of something my friend, Chris Vandall, told me about his (and his family’s) experiences in Orlando. And that is Orlando seems to be one of those cities without a heart or a soul. If you’re at a Disney venue, you can expect to be treated with some degree of kindness and courtesy, because it’s drilled into these people that they are to provide their guests with a “magical experience” and anything less is grounds for immediate dismissal from the kingdom. The “Disney rejects” basically wind up at every other place you might have a need or an inclination to visit … from the Walgreens, to the Denny’s, to the Krispy Kremes, to the cheap hotels that line Highway 192 in Kissimmee, where minimal service is not only tolerated, but seems to be the norm. The attitude by the employees seems to be, “You’re not from here, I’ll never see you again, and it doesn’t really matter that I give you poor service because you’re one of a gazillion tourists that pass through here.” It’s kind of a pessimistic view of things, but this little episode certainly bears out Chris’s observation.

I look for a Sunday paper three other places and find none. So I put that little project on hold, and head over to the gym for my usual workout and swim. On the way back to the condo, I stop at a Walgreens and finally find a Sunday paper. Guess what? No “coopens.” Did you know that, across the nation, there are no coopens in ANY Sunday newspaper the last two Sundays of the year? Check it out. All the major coopen brokers (Smart Source, Red Plum and Proctor/Gamble) take a break during Xmas and New Year’s. I guess they figure people are just too busy to be clipping coopens. The rest of the paper is pretty much a waste of time, so once again the forces of the cosmos were trying to tell me something, and I wasn’t listening.

Back at the condo, I prepare some pot roast in the microwave (Hormel, ready cooked, not too bad) and some potato salad from the Publix deli. I also call Aunt Pat and talk with her about 20 minutes.

Expenses: Saturday: Lunch: $9, groceries $7. Total: $16

Sunday: Donuts: $7; Starbucks: $2; Walgreens $11; Publix $11. Total: $31

Bruce