First Visit to Hollywood Studios

Tuesday 12/20

Today, I will visit Disney Hollywood Studios (DHS), the one remaining park I haven’t visited so far this winter season. In some ways, this is my least favorite park of the four, not necessarily because it isn’t “fun” but because of the way the park is designed. It’s the most difficult park to get in and out of because it’s been crammed into a piece of property that’s too small. It’s also the smallest of the four parks, and tends to get overjammed with people. This will be an especially busy day today because there are TWO performances of “Fantasmic,” and people tend to flock to DHS when Fantasmic is performed, because it is such a huge and expensive show that the park does not do it every night.

But before I can head over, I have another chore to take care of, and that is getting Aunt Pat’s Christmas card off in the mail with her gift of $50 cash. I have let this go until the last possible moment, and I must get this taken care of, or risk having the card arrive after Christmas, in which case I will have to endure a shit storm of verbal abuse and guilt of such proportions that I dare not even think about it. So I head on over to a Walgreens store and buy a $2.99 Hallmark card. It is a generic one because they are down to their last “Aunt” Christmas card, and it sucks, and I’m not prepared to go driving all over Orlando looking for an “aunt” card.  I don’t have any postage stamps with me (brother Curt, if you’re reading this, you’ll enjoy this), so I have to buy a BOOK of first class postage stamps (they won’t sell me a single stamp) at the Walgreens checkout for $8.80 (full face value). I cannot even tell you the last time I bought a postage stamp for full price, let alone a full book, with all my various contacts in the discount postage business. So all told, it costs me nearly $12 to get this $50 cash gift off in the mail to Aunt Pat, but this is the price for procrastination. It should arrive by Saturday, the postal gods willing.

I get to DHS, park, tram in, get through the entrance, and it is about 11 a.m. It’s VERY busy, and both the major rides (Tower of Terror, and Rockin’ Rollercoaster) are bedlam and stay that way all day. I grab a Fast Pass for the Tower, and can’t even get a Fast Pass for the rollercoaster because of the way Disney “staggers” the access to Fast Passes to ensure they don’t go to waste by idiots who load up on too many Fast Passes and then “burn them” because they’re busy on another ride.

So I head over to the bakery and coffee shop and sit down with a very nice couple originally from Massachusetts, who are now living in “The Villages,” a planned community for seniors north of Orlando. The husband is wearing a vintage Rolex Air King, so this starts my conversation, and in the next 30 minutes of conversation, we end up exchanging names and phone numbers, and they offer to give me the grand tour of The Villages on my way back up north.

I end up staying the day and well into the night at DHS. I have a kid’s meal in the “ABC Commissary,” which is one of the “quick dining” venues at the park.  Now this is interesting, at least to me: For one of my "side choices" I order something I think is healthy, which is "yogurt" (with my other choice being french fries). The container is listed "strawberry yogurt," but when I look at the fine print, it says "STRAWBERRY," but then in fine print is says "flavored." A look at the ingredients reveals not one milligram of actual strawberries in this concoction. It contains milk, sugar, water, gelatin, vegetable juice (for color), and "natural flavorings", and something called "agar."  I almost believe the french fries are better for you; at least there's no pretense of healthiness. Just potatoes, some kind of vegetable oil, and salt.

Anyway, I am happy to report that my little “oasis” in the park, called the “Writer’s Stop” is still there, and I think it’s one of the best kept secrets in the park. I spend about half an hour there, reading my Kindle and enjoy a huge hunk of almond toffee bark from the display case. They also have a coffee bar there. It’s like a little “Starbucks,” but of course all “Disney-fied,” and there are many books for sale there, with about 90% of them about Disney, but also a rack of paperback bestsellers. Also, writing-related stuff, like pens, notebooks, etc. A very nice place to just sit and chill.

I catch the 6:30 performance of “Fantasmic,” and even though I am 45 minutes early, I get a seat near the left-hand side of the lagoon, with the remaining seats gone shortly after I arrive. I pass the time before the show starts by reading my Kindle. The Stephen King novel I am reading  (“11/22/63”) is fascinating and very engaging. The show is wonderful. I worm my way through the crowd, and head over to the Rockin’ Rollercoaster for one last time. The stand-by wait time is 90 minutes, but I say screw it, and stand in line and continue to read my Kindle to pass the time. I arrive at the loading dock in about 60 minutes, and ride the fantastic coaster which takes you on this fantasy ride through Los Angeles from an imaginary parking garage to an “arena” somewhere in LA where Aerosmith is performing. Through the ride, you do one complete inverted loop, and numerous banked curves. The “big wow” of this ride is actually the startup. Through some ingenious “electro-magnetic assist” technology that Disney invented, your rollercoaster car starts out at a dead stop and goes from zero to 60 miles per hour in 2.8 seconds, while going up an incline. Talk about being pinned to the back of your seat! Anyway, it is great fun, and I’m glad I stuck it out.

I get back to the condo around 9 p.m. and am hungry because I haven’t eaten since the “kid’s meal” at about 2:30 (except for a frozen lemonade), so I settle on a bowl of cereal and a couple of ham-n-cheese rollups at this late hour. I watch a little bit of a Saturday Night Live Christmas special, where they are airing some highlights of past holiday shows. I stick with it to the end, and am rewarded by the finale … the “Schweddy Balls” skit with Alec Baldwin as “Pete Schweddy,” and two female cast members (can anyone even remember their names?) playing NPR-like radio show hosts. It has to rank up there with the all-time funniest SNL skits.

I hit the sack around 11 p.m., exhausted.

Expenses:  Xmas card and postage: $12; park food: $20. Total: $32.

Bruce