Update Jan. 8 - 17

The Caribbean Cruise

It is Friday Jan. 15 as I start this blog entry, finally having some time to do so since starting this adventure a week ago. We departed our final port of call – Phillipsburg, St. Maarten -- yesterday and are steaming … er, dieseling … back to Fort Lauderdale and will arrive early Sunday morning. I have found a comfortable writing spot here at Café Promenade, Deck 5, along the Grand Promenade of shops and bars. It’s the closest thing to a Starbucks that the ship offers. But unlike Starbucks, the coffee and pastries and other assorted nibbles are complimentary! The crowd varies from scant to packed, but right now it is a light crowd because most people are out on the pool deck soaking in the last couple days of sunshine and warm temps. The ambient noise is pleasing, and only occasionally interrupted by some ship’s crew member out on the Promenade barking into a microphone about handbags on sale for $10, and various other equally inane announcements designed to entice the incurable collectors of bright shiny objects to swipe their Sea Pass cards.

To my best recollection, this is either the fifth or sixth cruise with sis-in-law Julie since we began this annual tradition in 2011. We had to skip 2014 because of my trip to Germany/Switzerland, but other than that we have done this every year, and are already signed up for a 2017 cruise on Royal Caribbean (RC).

It has thus far been another great cruise, filled with leisure and excess and the usual pampering we have come to expect from RC. There have been the occasional bumps of rude and boorish people, but we have been able to avoid them for the most part. I should also add that a chest cold that began in Fort Myers has plagued me this entire trip, slowing me down a little bit, but thankfully not completely incapacitating me. The cruise director, a Brit named Jeremy, we have found to be particularly annoying, but we have minimized contact with him, mostly because we don’t take part in the organized events (belly flop competitions, disco nights, trivia contests, etc.) during which he brays into his microphone like a gameshow host on speed. But these are trifles. It has been an amazing time, filled with favorites from cruises past … sourdough rolls, the peaceful Solarium pool/whirlpool (from which children are barred) and some new surprises.

I know there will be a few of you disappointed to learn that I did not bring a camera on this trip. The camera itself is not the burden; it’s the distraction of thinking about pictures rather than just taking in the moments – the sights, sounds, and smells. My Shutterfly account is packed with photos of trips/cruises past that I have not viewed in years and have been long forgotten by the people with whom I shared them. So I decided to travel this trip sans camera and just enjoy the ride. So apologies to those who were expecting pics.

Here, then, is a synopsis of what’s been happening these past days. I must tell you I had an opportunity to read four books while on this cruise. I so rarely get a chance to immerse myself in reading due to the many distractions and interruptions of everyday life. It is so wonderful to get lost in the pages of good books, though some might question my definition! My reading list is at the end of this blog if you’re interested; if not just skip it.

Friday, Jan. 8 – overnight in Ft. Lauderdale (FL)

Our car trip from Ft. Myers to FL took just a little over 2 hours. The airport and cruise terminals are right next to one another, so you might imagine the tangle of roads and traffic around the area. As seems to be her habit, Gretchen (my nickname for my GPS unit) took us on a rather convoluted route, but we made it to our hotel, Homewood Suites, in good order. The hotel’s courtesy shuttle delivered us to one of their recommended restaurants, the Tropical Acres Steakhouse. It’s billed as Broward County’s oldest steakhouse (in continuous business for 65 years), where we enjoyed an early dinner. Julie had a tenderloin, while I opted for the T-Bone. Dinners came with soup (French onion), salad, choice of potato, and dessert. (We both choose the rum cake.) I also had a Gimlet (rocks with two olives) beforehand. Everything was delicious. The bill came to $75 for the two of us.

I was exhausted, having gotten very little sleep the night before, and so hit the sheets at about 7:30, reading one of the books I had brought along, and before I knew it, fell into blissful sleep.

Saturday, Jan. 9 – Bon Voyage

After a satisfactory comp breakfast at the Homewood Suites, we joined fellow cruisers for a van ride to the cruise port, which has to be one of the finest examples of organized confusion to be found in the modern world. We checked our bags with one of the porters, and headed to our designated terminal. RC’s gi-normous Oasis of the Seas was in port, checking in about 5,500 passengers, so we wondered what kind of nightmare we might be in for, but we were checked in with relative ease, thanks in part to our status in RC’s loyalty club. In about 45 minutes we found ourselves at the Windjammer (‘Jammer) restaurant, enjoying the “Welcome Aboard” buffet. Ah, the sourdough rolls. I could go on about these for a page, but suffice to say it’s one of big reasons we have stayed “loyal to Royal” since 2011. I grabbed two off the buffet line, stuffing one with assorted cold cuts and cheese, and eating the other one with just butter. Heaven. Crispy crust on the outside; tender crumb inside.

We found our cabin after that, and our luggage had already been delivered. So we got settled into our 120 square feet of private sanctuary. I found our room steward and asked that a) our queen size bed be separated into two singles; and b) that a fresh bucket of ice be delivered nightly to our cabin.

This is the first time we have been located on such a high level (Deck 8) aboard the ship. Usually, we are in the lower holds of the ship on Deck 2 (or thereabouts) so it threw us off for a couple days as far as which way to go on the elevators. We had a lovely dinner in the main dining room, being waited on by “Michael” and his assistant “Rommel” (pronounced roh-MEL) who became our instant favorites and we requested them every night. The show that night was a comedian, Al Romas, whom we found only mildly amusing. After the show I went to the casino and won $25 at the craps table.

Sunday, Jan. 10 – A Day at Sea

The day began with Julie’s customary morning walk on Deck 12, and me heading to the deck below to the ‘Jammer for fresh fruit (all cut up, thank you very much!), bran muffin, and coffee, all the while holding a nice seaside table for Julie when she returned from said walk. We spent a good amount of the morning in the Solarium reading, swimming, and soaking in the whirlpools. I finished one of the books I had brought along. 

The day before, Julie had secured two tickets to an ice show at 1:30 p.m. today, so after lunch in the ‘Jammer we headed down to the ice arena on Deck 3 and enjoyed what I thought was a top-rate ice show filled with music, beautiful skating, and even some magic when a couple of performers made some instant costume changes behind a small curtained “hut” set on the ice. One of my faves was a re-creation of an 18^th century ball in a royal palace that reminded me of something out of the movie “Amadeus.” It was all quite entertaining, and pretty amazing considering the relative small size of the arena and the fact that at times there were as many as nine skaters whizzing around with pinpoint precision.

Tonight was the first formal night in the dining room, and the featured entree was carved beef tenderloin, which was delicious. The dice were not kind to me in the casino this evening, as I gave $33 to the house, so I’m down $6 at this point. The entertainment tonight was a production show by the RC Singers and Dancers presenting “Ballroom Fever.” The show was nice, albeit a little heavy on the Latin. Guess they are bowing to the DWTS fad in full bloom at the moment.

Monday Jan. 11 – Labadie, Haiti

Today is the picnic/beach day at Labadie. I have done this outing a couple of times, and didn’t feel quite up to it today, so Julie went out on her own, and I held back to enjoy the ship’s amenities with a much reduced crowd, although was a bit surprised at the number of people who had the same idea. I lounged, I soaked, swam, and jumped into another novel I had loaded onto my Kindle before we departed Fort Lauderdale. Another lovely dinner with Michael and Rommel. A nice show with a female singer impersonator, Katy Setterfield, from Great Britain, and she was quite good and had an interesting back story, having won a talent contest (not Britain’s Got Talent) in her home country  which landed her a lounge act opening acts in Las Vegas. During her time there, she got a surprise invitation from Bette Midler, at the time playing Caeser’s Palace. Midler had apparently caught her act and liked her and took Setterfield under her wing for a while, mentoring her on how to improve her singing technique. All of this led to the cruise ship circuit, which is probably a step down from Vegas, but as is the case with 99% of entertainers, work is work. She did quite a bit of Dusty Springfield, but also did Tina Turner, Cher, Janis Joplin, and three ballads by from the Divine Miss M.

Tuesday Jan. 12 – San Juan, Puerto Rico

Today was our first “real” port of call, and we purchased tickets for a city tour by minibus of old and new San Juan. Our driver was very informative, though at times a little hard to understand due to the combination of native accent and a pride of bimbos (bimbi?) seated behind us who were planning their next shopping foray. But we got the gist of the tour narrative. PR is another in a long line of Caribbean island countries inhabited by a largely poor population, sprinkled with the rich who own the choicest spoils that the islands have to offer. PR is a little more “charitable” about the situation, for lack of a better word, and provides subsidized housing, health care, and food stamps for a considerable percentage of the island’s inhabitants. The highlight of our tour was a stop at the large Spanish fort at the main entrance to PR’s harbor. Run and maintained by the U.S. Parks Department, it is much more magnificent than I had imagined. Our tour only allowed 45 minutes at the fort, which was woefully inadequate, but Julie and I made the best of it. It was truly amazing to me the level of design and efficiency that went into the building of the fort, considering it was started in the mid-1500s and, like the great pyramids of Egypt, built entire with hand tools, sweat, and blood. Spaniards held power over the island at this time, and used slave labor to build the fort. We Americans often get the bad rap over slavery, exploitation, and ethnic euthanasia, but the Spanish were no slouches in this department. Anyway, the fort was magnificent, and considering that land values in central San Juan run about $3 million an acre (!) it’s a miracle that this treasure has been preserved as a reminder of what civilization was like back then. Given current events, it makes one ponder how much things have really changed in the last 500 years. The technology may have changed. Smart bombs and drones have replaced cannon balls, muskets, and swords. But human nature, sadly, remains largely the same.

Found a funky Indo-Caribbean bar and hookah lounge, a ship’s recommendation, on one of the city’s many squares, called Pani Agua. $2 bottled beers (Carib), 1,000 varieties of mojitos, and most importantly, free Wi-Fi. I sent a quick email to friends and family, and checked a few website just to make sure there were no fires to put out. All was a-ok. It was well after dark when I arrived back at the ship. Julie and I had become hopelessly separated by this time, so I dined alone at the ‘Jammer, the only time I departed from the usual dining room. I found that I had cell phone reception, owing to the fact that PR is more or less part of the United States, due to (you guessed it) a war with Spain! So I placed a call to Dawn from aboard ship as we were preparing to depart, and got through with amazing clarity. It was good to hear her voice and learn that all was OK back at the apartment in Fort Myers, including cat Abby doing OK, though apparently missing her “daddy” just a bit!

Because of the late hour for all back on board (8:30 p.m.) there was no show tonight. I skipped the casino this evening, hoping to break the bad luck streak. I dove into another novel I brought along.

Well, I must take a break. My notebook computer needs recharging, and I am hopped up on enough caffeine to make a Starbucks barista tremble.

Wednesday Jan. 13 – St. Kitts

We pulled into St. Kitts about 10 a.m. It’s a collection of islands of various sizes … some little more than bumps in the ocean. We docked at Basseterre. Julie and I left the ship together, but soon went our separate ways. The shopping district was confined to much smaller area, as the mountains quickly rose behind the city and appeared uninhabited for the most part. Leaving the main drag for a spell, I found a small district mostly populated by locals doing their shopping, or walking to their jobs. There was an outdoor food cart vendor who had various meats cooking on an open grill, including four or five warm water lobsters of leviathan size. This was obviously one of those “hidden gems” that travelers talk about, because I don’t think your typical St. Kitts native dines on lobster. They looked and smelled oh so good. I inquired as to the price, and it was $45 which included a couple of side items and beer. It’s all packed into a Styrofoam “to-go” box, and then you find yourself a public bench and dig in using plasticwear. Fortunately, all tail and claw meat are removed for easy consumption. I would definitely have indulged had I the appetite, but I felt I simply could not do this justice, and instead had a liquid lunch of two Caribs ($5) at a tiki bar along the main drag. Got back to the ship and stripped down into bathing gear for a rejuvenating soak in the whirlpool and refreshing dunk in the salt water pool. Julie and I finally reunited, and went down to the ship’s theater to enjoy another fine show, a comedian ventriloquist by the name of Brad Cummings. Julie and I both agreed he was the best entertainer so far, and would be hard to top. Tonight, the dice definitely turned in my favor, and I walked away with a $79 winnings, putting the tote board at a $46 net gain.

Thursday Jan. 14 – Phillipsburg, St. Maarten

This is our last port of call. There is major shopping here, but our last time here in 2013 was interrupted by a timeshare presentation that to this day I still can’t figure how in the world I got roped into, but somehow I did. So I vowed this time to tell anyone approaching me with a promise to win a $500 prize to promptly fuck off. Julie and I even parted at different times so as not to walk together and give any would-be salesmen the impression that we were married and therefore candidates for a timeshare.

I decided to make this a “watch day.” I took the water taxi from the cruise ship dock to the shopping district ($7 for an all-day pass) and went into four or five major watch stores and looked at brands ranging from Fossil at the low end ($149 for a chronograph with quartz movement) to Parmigiani  at the high end ($13,000 for an automatic mechanical with 18kt solid gold case). It was great fun, but honestly I could do better on price back in good old Fort Myers or Janesville, WI, between my contacts, Internet sales forums, and eBay. Besides, I think 2016 is going to be a year of liquidation rather than acquisition, but this is another story.

Anyway, I decided to have lunch on the island, and so found a little Chinese place on the second story of a building along the main drag.  The food (a mixed Chow Mein platter) was just so-so, but the cold 250 ml bottles of Heineken were just $1.50. Remember, we were docked on the Dutch side of the island (with France running the other side) and so it stood to reason that Heineken (brewed and bottled in the Netherlands) would subsidize its beer in order to be price leader on the island!

The one thing that Julie stumbled upon (and that I missed) was “That Yoda Guy.” This odd-sounding exhibit is actually a nonprofit museum run by Nick Maley, a movie-industry artist who was involved in the creation of Yoda and icons from 58 other movies. Visitors can learn how the artist works while enjoying the models and memorabilia on display. Certainly a must-see for Star Wars fans, but sounds like it would be of interest to most movie buffs. Maley, when he isn’t on the road giving inspirational talks around the world, will autograph souvenirs purchased in the museum. I will have to catch it on my next visit to the island in 2017.

So in all, I was on the island for about four hours, and by coincidence ran into Julie on the dock where the water taxis return visitors to the ships. Back at the ship, I stripped to my swimsuit and hit the solarium for a nice warm soak, a refreshing dip, then dove into my next Kindle book.

There was a rare miss in the dining room that evening. The sea bass was way too salty, but quickly remedied by ordering a second entree of beef/veal tortellini. Tonight’s show was a comedian, Rodney Johnson, who was quite funny, but perhaps a little too ethnic at times for the predominantly Caucasian audience. Most of the show was hilarious, but there were times when the jokes flew over my head. The craps table, being the fickle bitch she is, emptied my pockets of $40, reducing my net gain to $6, which will not even buy you a beer aboard ship. I hope the next couple of nights will be better. It would be nice to leave the ship with an extra $100 in my pocket. That’s my goal anyway.

Friday Jan. 15 – A Cruise Day

Had a healthy breakfast of fruit, bran muffin, and yogurt in the ‘Jammer, skipping my usual plateful of eggs and assorted pork products. It’s now 3 p.m. and have spent most of the day writing this blog. I think it’s time for a little nap now that the caffeine high has finally subsided. Tonight was lobster night in the dining room, and yours truly ordered three entrees. It’s not as glutenous as you might think; each tail was only about 4 ounces of meat when removed from the shell, so I figure I had the equivalent of one large tail. So incredibly yummy; definitely the highlight of dining portion of the cruise. Michael and Rommel are definitely getting a tip from me above and beyond the prepaid gratuity! I won $12 at craps tonight, and definitely worked for it. I am now $18 ahead … big whoop. Tonight’s entertainment was a four piece a'cappella doo-wop group called the Alley Cats. They did the usual numbers you might expect … Only You, Sherry, Blue Moon, Run Around Sue, The Lion Sleeps Tonight, etc. They even did a fair rendition of the Beach Boys’ I Get Around. Julie was quite taken with them (loves male harmony!) and bought their CD.

A special bonus tonight … the RC band was performing on the Grand Promenade, being they were not needed in the theater this evening. Friend, Amy, I wish you could have been there to hear them. They were nine members strong, including five in the horn section, guitar, bass guitar, keyboards, and drummer. They were doing many of the same big band tunes that the Jack Farina Big Band plays in Wisconsin. Amy, there was only one woman in the band, playing tenor sax, and she couldn’t have weighed more than a buck ten, but you should have heard her play that sax! She held her own and then some against the other guys in the horn section – two trumpets, trombone, and baritone sax. The whole band was incredibly tight, and I stood and listened for about a half hour before returning to my cabin.

Saturday Jan. 16 – Last Day

I grabbed a seat early (7 a.m.) in the solarium, knowing seats would be a premium today. I actually padlocked my tote bag to the chair to make the chair difficult to commandeer while I went to have breakfast in the ‘Jammer. It was perhaps a bit of overkill, but you would not believe some of the douchebags on this cruise who take people’s chairs and then claim ignorance when confronted about it. A couple of heated arguments have broken out. I don’t mean to “snark” about this; the vast majority of our fellow passengers are very courteous and polite. But one of Bruce’s Universal Laws states that given any kind of large crowd will contain 10 percent assholes, so by this measure, there are approximately 220 of them aboard.

In addition to updating the blog, I am re-reading a book on my Kindle today, a nonfiction work in which I seem to find something new every time I read it.

A ruckus erupted aboard the ship this a.m., as the captain announced shipwide that one of the passengers was ill and that a “medical emergency” had been declared. The ship is at full speed, and we stop in Miami about 10:30 p.m. to offload the ill passenger, then proceed at leisure speed to Ft. Lauderdale to de-board at our normal time of 8 a.m. The ill passenger’s malady is unknown to us, but I would lay money it’s cardiac related judging by the many fragile and Rascal-bound physical specimens aboard the ship.

The final dinner this evening was another winner, and Julie and I each gave Michael and Rommel $20 above and beyond the prepaid gratuities for their excellent service. Tonight is another show production by the RC singers and dancers, and the band, Broadway, Now and Forever. Should have stayed out the casino tonight, as I gave them back $45, bringing my net loss in the casino for the week at $27. But sure had fun rolling the dice. Haven’t had a chance this trip because the “Big M Casino” ship does not sail out of Fort Myers any longer.

We watched a second show tonight at 10:30 p.m., a troupe of senior dancers, whose ages range from 53 to 93. They travel the cruise circuit, putting on gratis shows. Once the group assembles aboard ship, they practice their routines a couple hours each day, then present a show, complete with costume changes and recorded background back music. It was all very nice nice and inspirational. The 93-year old gal got a standing ovation for dancing to “Bye Bye Blackbird.”

Saturday Jan.  17 – Back in Port

Early breakfast in the dining room this a.m. as we prepare to depart. We got the green light at about 8 a.m., and basically reversed the boarding process. We cleared customs quickly, only to exit to terminal building in a classic Florida downpour. We waited about 15 minutes for the worst of it to pass,  then boarded a van back to the Homewood Suites, where we picked up the Prius.

The drive back to Fort Myers was pleasant. I used the GPS feature in my Android phone rather than Gretchen, and the route was much more straightforward. We arrived at the Fort Myers apartment at about noon. We debriefed sister Dawn on the cruise, then went to lunch at Jason’s Deli.

All in all, a wonderful cruise, a great start to 2016. Julie continues to be an awesome cruise partner. Looking forward to the next one in January 17!

Love,

Bruce

Books read while on the cruise:

1. Havoc,” an action adventure by Jack Du Brul, who has become one of my favorites since Clive Cussler has long retired one of my fictional heroes, Dirk Pitt. Cussler has since built a writing empire where his many co-authored novels lack the punch of his early work. Du Brul’s protagonist, geologist Phillip Mercer, is now my armchair alter-ego, albeit a poor substitute for Pitt.

2. “Six Mornings on Sanibel” which is a bit of “Tuesdays with Morrie” only set mostly on the public fishing pier on the eastern end of Sanibel Island. I had to chance to meet the author, Charles Sobczak, at the November meeting of the Southwest Florida Writers Association in Fort Myers. His usual genre is nonfiction (nature guides for SW Florida), but “Six Mornings” was a rare departure into story telling. It was a quick read and very enjoyable, and I highly recommend it. If you’re not into fish and fishing, don’t worry I’m not either. But fish are only incidental to the story!

3. “Orange Crush,” by popular regional (Florida) author, Tim Dorsey, who is akin to Carl Hiaasen, only a bit edgier. Which, if you’ve read any Hiaasen, may be a bit difficult to believe. Dorsey’s recurring character, Serge A. Storm, is an unlikely hero, a vigilante who kills, but with discrimination as all his victims are a motley assortment of scumbags who have somehow evaded traditional justice. Storm himself is an intellectual genius and a walking encyclopedia of Florida history. He loves to stop and take photographs of historic sites while driving his victims’ cars, often with the victim tied up in the trunk. He always seems to be two steps ahead of the law, to the constant frustration of a particular Miami police detective who’s been trying forever to catch him. Fun reading, and Dorsey’s knowledge of the crazy history and politics of Florida is always skillfully woven into his stories with great flair.

4. “Underwood, Scotch, and Wry,” authored by Brian D. Meeks, who has become somewhat of an Internet mini-sensation by virtue of the Kindle community. His books are more novellas than novels, so they are quick reads and entertaining. This one concerns a college literature professor whom the administration is trying to oust because of his wholesale disregard for rules and decorum. They assign him a newly formed course in the Applications of Social Media, which the administration knows he cannot teach because he is a complete Luddite and does all his writing, including course syllabi, on an old (you guessed it) Underwood typewriter. Well, he turns the tables on the admin by enlisting the help of a talented cast of teaching assistants who take it upon themselves to bring the professor into the 21^st century. The admin must resort to more unsavory methods to oust this professor, and I won’t give it away but in the end the professor prevails and in the process builds a successful blog and Twitter account. Very fun reading, and the lead character is very likeable and has a delicious and witty sense of humor. There’s even a cat in the story, whom the professor befriends early in story, upon finding the poor creature soaking wet standing on his front porch and naming him “Maltese.”

5. “The Art of Non-Conformity,“ by  Chris Guillebeau,, who is one of the personal-growth “gurus” that I admire at the moment. Good reading if you are a fan of the “Bruce Lifestyle.” If you read read it, don’t think I’m interested in duplicating Guillebeau’s volunteer work in Africa. Sorry, but I’ll fulfill my service to humankind elsewhere! But I dig the vast majority of his manifest on living an extraordinary life.